幽默：数据笑话--烧脑版

是的，烧脑！很多小编自己都看不懂~！

Are you a Statistician / Data Analyst? You are Funny!

你是个统计学家或者是个数据分析师吗？你好幽默！

咔哒~开始！

A statistician’s wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. “Bring them to church on Sunday and we’ll baptize them,” said the minister. “No,” replied the statistician. “Baptize one. We’ll keep the other as a control.”

一统计学家的老婆生了对双胞胎。他很高兴，打电话给牧师。牧师也很高兴，“周日带他们来教堂，我们给他们洗礼。”统计学家回他：“不。给一个洗礼就好，另一个我们要用来作控制组。”

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.

两个统计学家正在洛杉矶飞往纽约的飞机上。大约飞行了一个小时，飞行员广播告诉大家，有个发动机坏了，但是不用担心，还有三个。只是，五个小时的航程将延至7个小时。

A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.

不久，飞行员又广播说，又坏了一个发动机，还剩两个，航程将延至10小时。

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New York.

过了一会，飞行员又到对讲机前广播，第三个发动机熄火了。“无须害怕，只有一个发动机，飞机也能飞。只是，需要18个小时才能到纽约。”

At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”

这时，其中一个数据学家对另一个说到，“天啊，希望最后这个发动机别坏了，不然我们就永远在天上了。”

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

Patient: “Will I survive this risky operation?”

Surgeon: “Yes, I’m absolutely sure that you will survive the operation.”

Patient: “How can you be so sure?”

Surgeon: “9 out of 10 patients die in this operation, and yesterday died my ninth patient.”

病人：“我这高风险手术能成功吗？”

医生：“能的。我敢肯定你会活过来的。”

病人：“你怎么那么肯定？”

医生：“这个手术的成活率是十分之九。昨天，我的第九个病人过世了。”

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the office of the Dean of Sciences. In rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion.

有天，科学系主任办公室的一个废纸篓着火了。物理学家、化学家和统计学家冲了进来。物理学家开始计算把火扑灭需要消除火里多少能量。

The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation. While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other wastebaskets in the office.

化学家琢磨需要向火里添加什么试剂来防止氧化。这两位忙活时，统计学家将办公室里其他所有的废纸篓都点着了。

“What are you doing?” the others demand. The statistician replies, “Well, to solve the problem, you obviously need a larger sample size.”

“你在干嘛？”另两位问他。统计学家回答到“呃，要解决这问题，你们显然需要更大的样本量。

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

Three statisticians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “On the average we got it!”

三个统计学家外出打猎，发现了一只很大的鹿。第一个统计学家开了一枪，偏左一米，没打中。第二个统计学家开枪射击，偏右一米，也没打中。第三个统计学家没开枪，却欢呼着“平均来看，我们打中了！”

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin … writing the answer … flipping the coin … writing the answer.

一统计学专业的学生一整天都在期末考试。这是场真假测验题。于是他决定用抛硬币来作答。统计学教授看着这个学生整整两个小时都在抛硬币、写答案、抛硬币、写答案。

At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying, “Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn’t even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?” The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin), “Shhh! I am checking my answers!

两小时考试快要结束了，除了这个学生，其他学生都离开了考场。于是，教授走到他桌前，打断了他，“听着，我知道你没有为这个统计测试好好学习。你甚至都没打开试卷。如果你是靠抛硬币来决定答案，怎么用了这么长时间？”这个学生一边抛着硬币一边很郁闷地答到“嘘！我正在检查答案。”

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.

一公司经理乘坐热气球飞越沙漠，突然意识到迷路了。下面正有个骑骆驼的人经过，于是他叫住骑骆驼的人，并问他现为何处。

The man replies “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees , 10 minutes west, 212 metres above sea level, heading due east by north east.”

骑骆驼的人回答到“你所在为北纬42度12分21.2秒，西经122度10分，海拔212米，从东北向正东方向。”

“Thanks,” replies the balloonist. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”

热气球驾驶员：“谢谢你。顺便问下，你是数据分析师吗？”

“Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”

“是的，我是。”骑骆驼的人答到，“你怎么知道的呢？”

“Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”

驾驶员：“你刚告诉我的信息非常精确，比我需要的信息还多，但我还是不知道我该怎么办。”

“I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. “By the way, are you a company manager?”

骑骆驼的分析师：“我很抱歉。顺便问你下，你是公司经理吗？”

“Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”

热气球驾驶员：“是的。你是怎么知道的？”

“Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”

数据分析师：“呃，你不知道你在哪里，不知道你现在飞往什么方向，你吹着大量热气把自己困在这儿，现在你却期望我能帮你走出去。”

——-:D—:D—:D—:D——

Question: What’s the difference between an introverted data analyst & an extroverted one?

问：“内向的数据分析师和外向的数据分析师有什么不一样？”

Answer: the extrovert stares at YOUR shoes.

答：“外向的盯着的是你的鞋子。”